Rudeness

Last Saturday, both my local paper, the Berkshire Eagle, and the New York Times carried guest essays about rudeness.

In “The importance of kindness in the season of light,” Rabbi Neil Hirsch shared an unsettling experience he had while driving with his four-year old son. An impatient driver pulled up to pass him. But instead of simply passing, he slowed down to stare and made “an obscene hand gesture.” The shocked Rabbi had to explain it to his son, who never seen anyone do that before.

Rabbi Hirsch concluded with compassion for the rude driver and a plea for kindness:

My heart breaks for that other driver…In this holiday season, we seek to increase joy and sanctity for ourselves and others. I hope we each give and receive kindness, that leads to a hopeful and joyous life, for ourselves and for our neighbors, during these holidays and every day.

That same day, in “Rudeness Is on the Rise. You Got a Problem With That?” contributing opinion writer Jennifer Finney Boylan described “a pickup adorned with flags that bear a particularly obscene suggestion regarding President Biden.” Beginning with an overview of the incivility permeating our culture, she ends with a personal incident in which a “transphobic” server insults her and her mother. When she asks her mother if she was embarrassed by his cruel display in a public restaurant, her mother replies, “Oh, Jenny. You know he didn’t really mean it.”

Boylan concludes with a testimonial to her mother’s kindness:

… she wasn’t really talking about the man before her; she was talking about a better version of him, a self he had not been able to become, but in whom she had not lost faith. He was not yet that man. But, she felt, in receiving the gift of kindness, and of grace, maybe he still had a shot.

Perhaps I should have titled this post “Kindness.” It is an antidote to rudeness I believe in, but don’t always practice.