Questions in Old Age

Last week I wrote that the most important thing college graduates should have learned is how to ask questions of themselves and others. I was thinking too, of my own life. Since retiring I find myself asking new, existential questions.

Then I read Krista Tippet’s On Being interview with the biblical interpreter, author and pastor, Eugene Peterson. Tippet asked, “What, at this stage in your life, what continues to perplex you? What do you not have answers for that you would like to have more answers for?

Peterson responded, “Well, you know, I don’t – I’m 83 years old now. And one of the things that’s surprised me is the lack of questions I have now. It’s kind of like I’ve just entered into a world where everything is going – not the way I thought it would go, but the way it makes sense.”

This interview was from 2016, Peterson died two years later. I wish I could know more about his response. He seemed so at peace with where he was - old, forgetful, yet satisfied with the balance between  “worries” and “glories.” Was it his faith that enabled him to be so accepting?

I am ten years younger than Peterson was when he gave that response, and in a very different place. I am still filled with questions, still wanting answers. How do I accept the limitations of an aging body? Will forgetfulness turn to dementia, as it did for my mother, and what will that mean for me and for my children? What mark am I leaving on the world? Is there still a reason for hope in a world humanity seems bent on destroying? Can I still be that hope? How much time do I have left?

I am happy with my choices and accepting of my regrets, but I do not yet feel settled. The questions continue.