Celebrating

After leaving the rigidity and proscriptions of Hasidic Judaism, Abby Stein, author of Becoming Eve, described her Judaism as “something I celebrate, not observe.”

Jews are often described as “observant” or” non-observant,” depending on their adherence to a myriad of commandments. Many of these are familiar, such as keeping the Sabbath or honoring one’s mother and father. Hundreds of others govern daily life.  More observant Jews do not accept less observant Jews and the latter, me included, often find orthodoxy bewildering.

My own upbringing was not like Stein’s. My family did not belong to a congregation or attend services, in part because my parents rejected rules like the separation of men and women. They refused to pray in a place where they could not sit together. Our observances were largely confined to Friday night (the beginning of the Jewish Sabbath) dinners with my Grandparents and holiday meals like the Passover Seder.

Nevertheless, it was clear to me that there were proscribed roles for men and women, and that women, even if they were not relegated to a balcony, were not full participants in religious practice. Jewish women were expected to marry and raise a family. They were expected to light the candles on Friday night, but were unable to participate in the rituals of a Saturday service.  

Fortunately, when my daughters were ready for a Jewish education, I was able to find a congregation where women were full participants in worship and in the governance of the temple. And yet it took much longer for my own identity as a Jew to evolve from observing to celebrating. In part, that has occurred by studying Hebrew and the Torah (the Five Books of Moses), and finding in Judaism a commitment to social justice. The poetry in our prayer book and the music in our services help me celebrate as I observe.

Now, when I light candles on Friday night, it is not because that is all I am allowed to do. It is because in that act I feel connected to my mother, my grandmother (who left me her candlesticks) and all the women who preceded them. I feel part of something larger than myself. I feel joy.